All of us have jealousy and insecurity within us, while some can get past them, some struggle to overcome these emotions. A little bit of jealousy and insecurity motivates us to do better in life. But if we sink into these emotions, they steal our peace, cause unhappiness and can lead to depression.
In today’s time of social media we are constantly reminded of our imperfections and under-achievements. Our friends keep posting about their amazing lifestyle that make our life seem boring. The commercials make us look fat and ugly. But the reasons for insecurities can be much deeper and psychological as well. None the less, commitment and mindful thinking can help us identify the cause, acknowledge it and aid in developing a mindset free of insecurities and fear.
Comparison is the thief of joyTheodore Roosevelt
Being able to realize that you need to overcome jealousy and insecurity is an achievement in itself. So give yourself credit for that. Now lets move step-wise and focus on the causes first and foremost.
One of the reasons for insecurities can be over-critical and under appreciative parents. Or there might be another prominent figure while growing up such as a teacher, a school bully or a friend who made you feel inferior and bruised your self-esteem.
If a child’s emotional needs are not met by the parents, their constant need for validation as a grown up makes them easily jealous and insecure of others.
2. Low self confidence
Scientific research suggest that constant criticism leads to lower self-esteem. Insecurity about oneself and feelings of jealousy arise when we are unsure of ourselves. A self-assured person will feel inspired instead of being jealous of the more accomplished person.
3. Unfaithful relationships
If you have been in an unfaithful relationship or seen one of your parent cheat. Chances are it will make you doubt your partner more often and cause romantic jealousy. This thinking pattern spirals up and can take a toll on the current relationship.
4. Non acceptance of ourselves
We don’t even realize how past criticisms create a negative self image in our mind. We keep pushing harder to look better, to achieve more and create a life that others validate.
It’s great to self-develop and evolve but not accepting oneself causes insecurity and make life stressful unnecessarily.
5. Too much social media influence
The need for likes and comments has taken insecurities and jealousy to a new level. Validation on social media creates fear as we pressurize our self to maintain an image that is liked by everyone.
How to overcome insecurity and jealousy
After analyzing the causes we can knuckle them down and gradually develop ourselves to be more confidant and trusting. Now let’s read the scientifically proven strategies to address these issues.
Forgiveness is not for others but your own mental peace. Forgive the people in your past who were critical of you and made you feel inferior. It’s not you, it was their own experiences and fears that made them treat you the way they did.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was youLewis. B.Smedes
Get to know yourself first. Once we understand our true nature, desires and purpose then nothing else matters. Mindful meditation is a great way of creating self awareness. Knowing oneself brings self-assurance and confidence. Only few months of meditation practice can bring about a positive change in the mindset.(Here are two simple meditation techniques for beginners –Heartfullness meditation..Zazen meditation.)
It’s fine if you are not into meditation. Write a journal daily, it helps in letting out frustration and gradually the thoughts become clear too. Mindfulness is nothing but being completely present in the moment, you can do that by jogging or painting or any activity that you can focus on wholeheartedly.
Once your awareness becomes a flame,It burns up the whole slavery that the mind has createdRajneesh
Accept your imperfections and mistakes. Be proud of all the good decisions you’ve made, the hard work you do and the qualities you possess. Be kind to yourself and self-motivate by appreciating yourself more often. Remind yourself everyday that you are amazing and one of a kind.
If possible limit your interaction with toxic people who have a habit of bringing people down and spend time with uplifting positive people.
You were born to be real, not to be perfectUnknown
All of us have our own journey, don’t make it bitter by comparing it to others. Embrace yourself and the life you have. Don’t run after praise and approvals, your own approval is of utmost importance.
Whenever a negative thought arises shift your focus and remind yourself to not get into the loop of such thoughts. With time, the mind will be trained to think better and become more assured.
A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just bloomsZen Shin
If you experience insecurity and jealousy in relationships, address the issue gently. An open and honest communication is the key to healthy relationship. Practice empathy and be open-minded.
Communication-The human connection is the key to personal and career successPaul. J. Meyer
6.Practice social media detox
Limit your use of Facebook, Instagram, twitter etc. Use the power of internet to inspire and motivate you. Listen to motivational speeches or pursue an online course on your favorite topic but stop running after likes and retweets.
7.Talk to a professional
If even after practicing above methods for few months you feel overwhelmed with emotions of insecurity and jealousy, seek a therapists help.
Reasons can be plenty but the desire to overcome feelings of insecurity and jealousy will change the mindset within few months. Its a long process, so focus on small steps daily. Life is short so stop worrying and start living.
Practice mindfulness and compassion for yourself. Work on personal fulfillment and the things you really enjoy. Befriend yourself first!
And suddenly you know, its time to start something new and trust the magic of beginningsMeister Eckhart
Helpful related post–Have a monk mindset without being one-steps to zen life.